Determination....

This I that I am
ask to be
ask to live.
This I that I am
won't apologize
for being.

Old paths
and ways of being
left behind
a trail
of tears.
"No more", I say
"no more..."


The right, the grace,
the will to be
is mine.
This grace not from peers
but from a higher,
and deeper place
within.

The right to be
no one but me,
the right to feel
my own soul
within.

This I decide,
I choose
and don't ask others
to let me be.

mcr

Time...

Time...
enough time,
needed time,
great time,
abundant time.
This is what we need
to grow,

what we need to be.

What kind of time?
Time to enjoy...
time to play...
time to cherish...
all that there is.
Do we have this time?

Here in line,
waiting...
I just said,
"I am changing,
learning, being...
happy!"
Just happy
to be...

mcr

(While waiting in line at the bank)

Festina lente...

New cycle...
old path...
new ways..
and yet the same.



What was behind
caught with me
helping me see
what is to be.

Was I too quick?
Desperate...to see
to do and work
with those with me?

And here again
new beings with me
will they want to go
as far-fast as me?.

And yet, new eyes
replace the old
'fast' and 'slow'
with new meanings
ways and forms.

Still fast...
and yet a new kind of 'fast',
'Still'... slow...
a new meaning for 'slow'.

The bench of which
new tools in hand
will make the path
move...
ahead
and yet in calm.

mcr

Cronehood lesson ...#3

" The old doesn't go away...

you just learn

how to live with it."

mcr

Open systems...

Open... to receive
and to change.
To interchange and grow.
To become...

Open... to what is
what is not
whatever it is.

Not closed,
which would mean
death...
Static, unchanged
without movement.

Open to flow,
to dance, and to cry...
yes... no way around this.

Open and alive
to be
to laugh
to feel
and to give and receive.

mcr

Hang in there....

"Hang in there little, dear one...
don't fall just hang in there.

The fight is not over till is over...
and time will tell, only time.

Is not the big and strong
that gets to the end...
only the one staying put,
hanging strong.

Your heart, what hurts the most...
what may seem like a flaw.
Your heart will give you strength
will hold tight, not letting go.

mcr

Cronehood lesson... #2

Not yet a crone...
but walking there.
Not yet,
though what is
only waits
to manifest.

And yet,
another step.
An understanding...
'learn to be
happy with less.'

mcr

The hare...

" High above within the "castle"
a meeting, gathering of aiki souls
were well ahead.
Windows open
empty space
the danger of falling over
was all I felt.

"Close them was my thought",
as afraid I was from other "castles"
early in my childhood dreams
was ever present and now again the fear is here.

Looking through the glass windows
or walls I do not know.
Dozed off... or wake up
and all of a sudden
I turned the party off.

All picked up,
the trash or residuals to the garbage gone.
A rabbit or hare, I do not know.
White fluffy fur
and long ears in my arms I found.
What was she doing there
in this gathering of souls?
To take her home was my next concern
and off I go.

A house I found
or was I found by her?
In I went to leave safe the hare.
Surprised I was,
to see the owner in an old friend's face.
A housewife, with domestic garments
and hair fixed with paper rolls in her hair
not quite like her.
There I left the hare
to be cared and safe.

Out I went...
strange area, road or country side.
My car and another car
trying to get out to the road outside.
Dirt and rocks,
steep areas and some smooth
and some others not.
Round and round we went
not been able to get out.
And then, I woke up..."

mcr

Jump...!

Once again,
at the top.
After a hard and long
climbing up.
I could go down
retracing my steps.
Redoing my choices
and second guessing
myself.

But what for,
since life will
take me up here
again and again
once more.

I've seen myself
here before.
I've found myself
up and alone.
Not once
not twice
I can't count how
many times.

But here I've been
more times
than I care to count.

And alone it must be
relying only on
what is inside of me.
The doubts,
the faith,
the trust
and the thoughts
of knowing
sensing
relying
on what
I cannot see.

And yet,
knowing that
there is only
one thing.
Only one choice
and that is
only...
to jump!

mcr

(After a dream last night...)

I flew and up I went
at the top of the pole
I found myself.
It was time
time to what?
To come down
to touch the ground.

I knew not how,
I was afraid.
To hurt myself
while coming down.
I tried, I wished
I braced myself.
And yet my heart
and body paralyzed.

Then one voice,
the one inviting me
to get down.
Flew up to me
to where I was.
"I'll help you out,
just hold my hand".
And we jumped!

mcr

The couldron...

" I ask why,
so many whys
and I can't answer.
I do not know why.

I only know
that I must bear
that I must hold
both the question
and the answer
not knowing how.

The opposites within
the paradox
the crux
just for a while...
sometimes a long,

a long while.
And then,
to let it go...."

mcr

Currents...

Currents and undercurrents
when the windows are shut
the moon is out
and is me inside.

Flowing in all direction
it's levels up.
Flows all around me
and I in the middle of it all.

Why...where...what
does it all mean?
What is it that
pushes to come forth?

After the moon shelves herself
the questions persists
and keep rushing forth...
and
is time now to make sense of it all.

mcr

What...?

While staying still
I have started to understand.
To grasp
the why, the how
of what is for me to do
to be...

Confusion in the dark
of the night
assaulted me,
that old place
where doubt dwells
insinuated herself
once again to me.

Were my expectations
of what it should be?
The longing
of goals yet
to be reached?
Or could it be...
the goals in itself
indeed...?

The cause of the gloominess,
the sadness,
the recurring melancholy
known these days with
scientific names?
Covered and hidden away
as if by doing so
it will all disappear
and fade away?
Could the goals
provoke these...?

Still... what it will be?.
From a different vantage point
I'll try to see,
to find a new
viewpoint for it.
And yet,
I think, I know, I feel
what it is.

mcr

At the Edge....

" One step...
only one step
and everything changes.
Standing at the edge
of what is to what it
may become.

What is this "it"?
A he or she?
A place, an effort?
At the edge...
for a while,
as a sudden,
subtle,
quiet stir
"it" comes to me.


And yet,
what edge is this?...

(will follow)

mcr

Dragon fly... totem bear...

"Dragon fly...
totem bear...
here I am
please!
get me there."

mcr

The who that I am...

I am...

mcr

Cronehood lesson... #1

" Getting to know

and getting to learn

what is for me

to learn and care."

-mcr

Longing...

Here I am, yes
once more now...sitting
and aware of all
that is.
The ribbons that
relate, associate
connect me to the past
their pull no longer
present
by a decision to let
them walk.

Here I am, sitting, resting,
resting?
My back to the past,
no longer asking, expecting nor waiting
for nothing
...anything
whatever it was.

Do I rest?
Really rest?
No...
The truth is
a longing...
Longing for what?

mcr

Never enough...

" Today I understood,
yes ... finally understood
that no matter what I do
it will not be enough
for some or maybe
many...
who cares now that
I finally understood.

Nothing will be enough
for those who see
what I don't see.
Because by not seeing
what I see
their eyes - their heart -
will remain close
to what matters for me
the most.

I can see why they
admire force so much.
But is it enough?
I can see why they search
so much for strength.
But will it last long?

I finally see... and by seeing
finally understand
that no matter how much I do
it will never be enough so...
from now on I'll walk my way
and do my thing,
follow the beat within
and walk my path.
Because no matter what...
for them - whoever 'them' will be-
it will never be enough.

mcr

The same and... yet not the same

" I am the same
and yet...
not the same.
The old, the past
what was
has changed...
what?
Experiences,
life and relations
have brought change,
but mostly
a new sense
of me."

mcr

Let them see my back...I'm moving on

Let them see my back...
I care not for what they say
for what they do...
It can't be worst
than what I can do.


"My back covered",
some one said.
Why is it that I feel - felt
so sad...
and also insecure?.
Some how I knew...
Oh, yes I knew.



Whom do I am call to trust?

None but myself.
Who can do for me?
Only one, and it is me.
And I am not alone...
have never been alone.

If there is something
that I have learned,
is to be true
to what I feel.
And truer to who I am.

Let them see my back
not because I am running.
Only because I keep walking
searching, looking, moving on.

My back is safe,
only safe
by the sacred winds,
the holy Ghost
and the loving care
of the Divine.

mcr