At the Edge....

" One step...
only one step
and everything changes.
Standing at the edge
of what is to what it
may become.

What is this "it"?
A he or she?
A place, an effort?
At the edge...
for a while,
as a sudden,
subtle,
quiet stir
"it" comes to me.


And yet,
what edge is this?...

(will follow)

mcr

Dragon fly... totem bear...

"Dragon fly...
totem bear...
here I am
please!
get me there."

mcr

The who that I am...

I am...

mcr

Cronehood lesson... #1

" Getting to know

and getting to learn

what is for me

to learn and care."

-mcr

Longing...

Here I am, yes
once more now...sitting
and aware of all
that is.
The ribbons that
relate, associate
connect me to the past
their pull no longer
present
by a decision to let
them walk.

Here I am, sitting, resting,
resting?
My back to the past,
no longer asking, expecting nor waiting
for nothing
...anything
whatever it was.

Do I rest?
Really rest?
No...
The truth is
a longing...
Longing for what?

mcr

Never enough...

" Today I understood,
yes ... finally understood
that no matter what I do
it will not be enough
for some or maybe
many...
who cares now that
I finally understood.

Nothing will be enough
for those who see
what I don't see.
Because by not seeing
what I see
their eyes - their heart -
will remain close
to what matters for me
the most.

I can see why they
admire force so much.
But is it enough?
I can see why they search
so much for strength.
But will it last long?

I finally see... and by seeing
finally understand
that no matter how much I do
it will never be enough so...
from now on I'll walk my way
and do my thing,
follow the beat within
and walk my path.
Because no matter what...
for them - whoever 'them' will be-
it will never be enough.

mcr

The same and... yet not the same

" I am the same
and yet...
not the same.
The old, the past
what was
has changed...
what?
Experiences,
life and relations
have brought change,
but mostly
a new sense
of me."

mcr

Let them see my back...I'm moving on

Let them see my back...
I care not for what they say
for what they do...
It can't be worst
than what I can do.


"My back covered",
some one said.
Why is it that I feel - felt
so sad...
and also insecure?.
Some how I knew...
Oh, yes I knew.



Whom do I am call to trust?

None but myself.
Who can do for me?
Only one, and it is me.
And I am not alone...
have never been alone.

If there is something
that I have learned,
is to be true
to what I feel.
And truer to who I am.

Let them see my back
not because I am running.
Only because I keep walking
searching, looking, moving on.

My back is safe,
only safe
by the sacred winds,
the holy Ghost
and the loving care
of the Divine.

mcr

Myself...

" I am at my best

when I am myself. "

mcr

Long time no see...

Long time no see
I am here, not gone
I am here
waiting to see...
What is to be,
what is to come
of all this life
around and within.
Without fear...
at last without fear.


There was a time
a moment in time,
when the doubts,
the questions
the darkness that came
for a time, yes only for a time
overwhelmed my soul.
For a moment I felt loose
for a moment I felt lost.
For a moment I felt...

Yet, no more.
The wound, the hurt,
the doubt...
all is falling in place.

mcr

Honesty ...

This... yes, this is who I am...

Woman, aged and happy.

Innocent and idealist,

yet, learning to see...

to see things as they are.

Angry, sad and mad...

perfectly mad now.

A few days...

forgetful, forgiving, in peace,

ready to start new once again.

This is who I am, yes...who I am

ready to change, grow and evolve

to see, see again things as they are.

Happy? Or sad? Even mad...

whatever it is...

one hundred percent

truly who I am.

mcr

Why?...

One day, a day, or was it today,
She found herself asking
searching, looking
for what?
She couldn't find herself,
nothing made sense.


Was it the look she gave him/her?
The words she said?
Was it the unsaid words?
What she did or did not do?
Could it be one thing or many,
Or nothing at all?

Big avalanches, small ones...
Great earthquakes and also small.
Big causes?
Small ones?
Or nothing specific at all?
Why do they happen,
is there a definite cause?

Cause and effect,
karma or destiny
which one is it?
Is this important at all?
One word, one look, one action
or nothing at all?

mcr

(After reading Ubiquity, Why Catastrophes Happen...by Mark Buchanan. And , oh yes, after one more crisis.)

Heart function...Mind function...

Heart function...
mind function...
I am torn between
the two.
Which is it?
How much of it?
One or the other,
or maybe both?

In the middle
as an spectator,
one whispers and
the other too.
"It is this",
"No, it is that"
What is this I am
to do?

Days, weeks and months
and yet here... yes still here
the question prevails.

Heart function...mind function
a combination of both?

mcr

Specious moment

" Don't talk,
can you hold
the tension?"
Little dragonfly

whispers in my ear.
"Just let go
and see
let go
and hear
suspended in
the sea.

What sea is this?

The Unknown, the Void,

Sunyata?

The whole from

which

everything is.

In which
you need to stay

still".

Still?... Quiet?...
In the middle
of what?
"A dynamic space
where what is,
no longer exist.
Only the tension
of the old dying
giving way
to the new."
And me in the middle
holding
both still.

For how long?
Will this tension
the struggle...
The moment which is not
and yet is.
The always
becoming
and ceasing
to exist?

"Don't talk,
don't ask,
just wait.
Keep your ground
in the eternal "is".
Holding the tension
and let it all be.
In silence
in quiet,
not telling
not asking,
not knowing
just let it all be."

mcr

It is all for you...

My soul within

can't find the peace,

the trust I used to feel.

What is it?. Why is it?

I do not know.

Voices... confusion...

Can't they see?

Is not one or two

but all.

Do they know?

Do I know?...

This thing I want to do?

This path I want to walk?

This way I want to work?

Where have they lost themselves?

Or is it me the lost one?

My heart , a little voice inside

stills my mind and stills my heart.

"You are not lost,

it takes more time

for them to see

what you have seen."

The hurt remains,

and yet...

my soul quieter now,

get the sense

that all is well.

"A little time...

for now just let go

and let yourself

be renewed.

Is not for them,

this is all for you."

mcr

Once more...letting go

Thank you little dragonfly...
for letting me fly.
The heaviness of the flesh
made it a little hard.

Yet, the soul...
the spirit...
and the heart
gave me wings
to move around.

Could it have been faster?
"Of course", I say.
Could it have been stronger?
Your voice reminds me,
"Could" is not what is.
Why care?,
Just take delight
on what is
and nothing else.

There will be more
not just this one.
To play, to do, to show.
Let it be as it is.
Nothing more.
Enjoy today
and let it go.

Remember...

always remember
to loosen the grip,
with open hands
for things
to come and go.
Release and let it go
yes...let it all go.

Dragonfly,
you gave me wings
to be...and yet not to be.
There will be more,
many and much
to be and again

to let it go.

mcr

Letting go...

Almost there,

getting there

the view

clearer now.

A breath,

a song

giving winds

to my soul.

All the illusions

the turmoil

the doubts

who cares?

"I do"...

It was just that

a dream

more like a

nightmare

I think.

Focusing,

trusting,

yet more importantly

loosing

this sense of being

to get there

still I don't know

where.

That's exactly

the point.

To let go

just once more.

Is not the first self

I've had to let go.

It won't be the last

I hope.

Getting there

I'll know.

To once again

let it go...

mcr

Tough times...

Nowhere to go,
escape from myself.
Isn't that
foolish enough?
Desperate to find
a time for repose
just in quiet
and silence to be.

The struggle within
seems to never end
to prove...
to prove what...is just that,
but insane.

It's all in my hands
in my mind
in my heart.
It's up to me
why don't I realize?
Yes, why?

No more fight,
no more stuggle
no more cares
no more thoughts.
Cause it is here
and I decide to let it go...
let it all go.

Do I surrender?
Certainly not.
But do a truce
I call myself forth?
To this I say "yes"
and take a rest
from the fight.
And laying
still all my minds.

A rest
my eyes closed
my head placed
submerged
in the well of the unknown.
No more knowing,
let just rest.
Perhaps it is time
to just let
everything go.

And by having nothing

more to hold on

the peace, the joy will

rush back as it was before.

Let me jump, step in

just throw

myself to the void

and find myself again

where it all begun.

mcr

What is it...?

What is it that I want to prove?

To myself... to whom?

Wasted time ... wasted life

What is it,

little dragonfly...what is it?

The breath, the strength...

the days and time that goes by.

I don't want them to just fade away

in the absurdity of what?

To fly like you

been just who you are.

Being and been compared

to what?.

Who is to say who am I?

Who is to say what I can?

Who is this self willing to die?.

Yet to live is even more hard

Lets call this self... Yes! ... I'll call this self.

I'll summon her and looking in her eyes

in a whisper will ask

"Why are you holding me down?,

Don't you see that I want to live and fly?"

mcr

Again...

Doubts...

For the first time

in a long time

have come to me.

Uncertain

wishing them

not to be.

But they are

and here I am

what am I to do

to be?

A new phase

a stage

of what is

or has to be...

Will I be pushing

too hard?

Will I be fit?

What is it..

if it is?

mcr