Hang in there....

"Hang in there little, dear one...
don't fall just hang in there.

The fight is not over till is over...
and time will tell, only time.

Is not the big and strong
that gets to the end...
only the one staying put,
hanging strong.

Your heart, what hurts the most...
what may seem like a flaw.
Your heart will give you strength
will hold tight, not letting go.

mcr

Cronehood lesson... #2

Not yet a crone...
but walking there.
Not yet,
though what is
only waits
to manifest.

And yet,
another step.
An understanding...
'learn to be
happy with less.'

mcr

The hare...

" High above within the "castle"
a meeting, gathering of aiki souls
were well ahead.
Windows open
empty space
the danger of falling over
was all I felt.

"Close them was my thought",
as afraid I was from other "castles"
early in my childhood dreams
was ever present and now again the fear is here.

Looking through the glass windows
or walls I do not know.
Dozed off... or wake up
and all of a sudden
I turned the party off.

All picked up,
the trash or residuals to the garbage gone.
A rabbit or hare, I do not know.
White fluffy fur
and long ears in my arms I found.
What was she doing there
in this gathering of souls?
To take her home was my next concern
and off I go.

A house I found
or was I found by her?
In I went to leave safe the hare.
Surprised I was,
to see the owner in an old friend's face.
A housewife, with domestic garments
and hair fixed with paper rolls in her hair
not quite like her.
There I left the hare
to be cared and safe.

Out I went...
strange area, road or country side.
My car and another car
trying to get out to the road outside.
Dirt and rocks,
steep areas and some smooth
and some others not.
Round and round we went
not been able to get out.
And then, I woke up..."

mcr

Jump...!

Once again,
at the top.
After a hard and long
climbing up.
I could go down
retracing my steps.
Redoing my choices
and second guessing
myself.

But what for,
since life will
take me up here
again and again
once more.

I've seen myself
here before.
I've found myself
up and alone.
Not once
not twice
I can't count how
many times.

But here I've been
more times
than I care to count.

And alone it must be
relying only on
what is inside of me.
The doubts,
the faith,
the trust
and the thoughts
of knowing
sensing
relying
on what
I cannot see.

And yet,
knowing that
there is only
one thing.
Only one choice
and that is
only...
to jump!

mcr

(After a dream last night...)

I flew and up I went
at the top of the pole
I found myself.
It was time
time to what?
To come down
to touch the ground.

I knew not how,
I was afraid.
To hurt myself
while coming down.
I tried, I wished
I braced myself.
And yet my heart
and body paralyzed.

Then one voice,
the one inviting me
to get down.
Flew up to me
to where I was.
"I'll help you out,
just hold my hand".
And we jumped!

mcr

The couldron...

" I ask why,
so many whys
and I can't answer.
I do not know why.

I only know
that I must bear
that I must hold
both the question
and the answer
not knowing how.

The opposites within
the paradox
the crux
just for a while...
sometimes a long,

a long while.
And then,
to let it go...."

mcr

Currents...

Currents and undercurrents
when the windows are shut
the moon is out
and is me inside.

Flowing in all direction
it's levels up.
Flows all around me
and I in the middle of it all.

Why...where...what
does it all mean?
What is it that
pushes to come forth?

After the moon shelves herself
the questions persists
and keep rushing forth...
and
is time now to make sense of it all.

mcr

What...?

While staying still
I have started to understand.
To grasp
the why, the how
of what is for me to do
to be...

Confusion in the dark
of the night
assaulted me,
that old place
where doubt dwells
insinuated herself
once again to me.

Were my expectations
of what it should be?
The longing
of goals yet
to be reached?
Or could it be...
the goals in itself
indeed...?

The cause of the gloominess,
the sadness,
the recurring melancholy
known these days with
scientific names?
Covered and hidden away
as if by doing so
it will all disappear
and fade away?
Could the goals
provoke these...?

Still... what it will be?.
From a different vantage point
I'll try to see,
to find a new
viewpoint for it.
And yet,
I think, I know, I feel
what it is.

mcr

At the Edge....

" One step...
only one step
and everything changes.
Standing at the edge
of what is to what it
may become.

What is this "it"?
A he or she?
A place, an effort?
At the edge...
for a while,
as a sudden,
subtle,
quiet stir
"it" comes to me.


And yet,
what edge is this?...

(will follow)

mcr

Dragon fly... totem bear...

"Dragon fly...
totem bear...
here I am
please!
get me there."

mcr

The who that I am...

I am...

mcr

Cronehood lesson... #1

" Getting to know

and getting to learn

what is for me

to learn and care."

-mcr

Longing...

Here I am, yes
once more now...sitting
and aware of all
that is.
The ribbons that
relate, associate
connect me to the past
their pull no longer
present
by a decision to let
them walk.

Here I am, sitting, resting,
resting?
My back to the past,
no longer asking, expecting nor waiting
for nothing
...anything
whatever it was.

Do I rest?
Really rest?
No...
The truth is
a longing...
Longing for what?

mcr

Never enough...

" Today I understood,
yes ... finally understood
that no matter what I do
it will not be enough
for some or maybe
many...
who cares now that
I finally understood.

Nothing will be enough
for those who see
what I don't see.
Because by not seeing
what I see
their eyes - their heart -
will remain close
to what matters for me
the most.

I can see why they
admire force so much.
But is it enough?
I can see why they search
so much for strength.
But will it last long?

I finally see... and by seeing
finally understand
that no matter how much I do
it will never be enough so...
from now on I'll walk my way
and do my thing,
follow the beat within
and walk my path.
Because no matter what...
for them - whoever 'them' will be-
it will never be enough.

mcr

The same and... yet not the same

" I am the same
and yet...
not the same.
The old, the past
what was
has changed...
what?
Experiences,
life and relations
have brought change,
but mostly
a new sense
of me."

mcr

Let them see my back...I'm moving on

Let them see my back...
I care not for what they say
for what they do...
It can't be worst
than what I can do.


"My back covered",
some one said.
Why is it that I feel - felt
so sad...
and also insecure?.
Some how I knew...
Oh, yes I knew.



Whom do I am call to trust?

None but myself.
Who can do for me?
Only one, and it is me.
And I am not alone...
have never been alone.

If there is something
that I have learned,
is to be true
to what I feel.
And truer to who I am.

Let them see my back
not because I am running.
Only because I keep walking
searching, looking, moving on.

My back is safe,
only safe
by the sacred winds,
the holy Ghost
and the loving care
of the Divine.

mcr

Myself...

" I am at my best

when I am myself. "

mcr

Long time no see...

Long time no see
I am here, not gone
I am here
waiting to see...
What is to be,
what is to come
of all this life
around and within.
Without fear...
at last without fear.


There was a time
a moment in time,
when the doubts,
the questions
the darkness that came
for a time, yes only for a time
overwhelmed my soul.
For a moment I felt loose
for a moment I felt lost.
For a moment I felt...

Yet, no more.
The wound, the hurt,
the doubt...
all is falling in place.

mcr

Honesty ...

This... yes, this is who I am...

Woman, aged and happy.

Innocent and idealist,

yet, learning to see...

to see things as they are.

Angry, sad and mad...

perfectly mad now.

A few days...

forgetful, forgiving, in peace,

ready to start new once again.

This is who I am, yes...who I am

ready to change, grow and evolve

to see, see again things as they are.

Happy? Or sad? Even mad...

whatever it is...

one hundred percent

truly who I am.

mcr

Why?...

One day, a day, or was it today,
She found herself asking
searching, looking
for what?
She couldn't find herself,
nothing made sense.


Was it the look she gave him/her?
The words she said?
Was it the unsaid words?
What she did or did not do?
Could it be one thing or many,
Or nothing at all?

Big avalanches, small ones...
Great earthquakes and also small.
Big causes?
Small ones?
Or nothing specific at all?
Why do they happen,
is there a definite cause?

Cause and effect,
karma or destiny
which one is it?
Is this important at all?
One word, one look, one action
or nothing at all?

mcr

(After reading Ubiquity, Why Catastrophes Happen...by Mark Buchanan. And , oh yes, after one more crisis.)

Heart function...Mind function...

Heart function...
mind function...
I am torn between
the two.
Which is it?
How much of it?
One or the other,
or maybe both?

In the middle
as an spectator,
one whispers and
the other too.
"It is this",
"No, it is that"
What is this I am
to do?

Days, weeks and months
and yet here... yes still here
the question prevails.

Heart function...mind function
a combination of both?

mcr