What...?

While staying still
I have started to understand.
To grasp
the why, the how
of what is for me to do
to be...

Confusion in the dark
of the night
assaulted me,
that old place
where doubt dwells
insinuated herself
once again to me.

Were my expectations
of what it should be?
The longing
of goals yet
to be reached?
Or could it be...
the goals in itself
indeed...?

The cause of the gloominess,
the sadness,
the recurring melancholy
known these days with
scientific names?
Covered and hidden away
as if by doing so
it will all disappear
and fade away?
Could the goals
provoke these...?

Still... what it will be?.
From a different vantage point
I'll try to see,
to find a new
viewpoint for it.
And yet,
I think, I know, I feel
what it is.

mcr